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We all know that parenting is, like, the toughest job out there! Not only do you have to take care of yourself, your home, your job, and maybe a pet or two, but you also have these little humans you’ve got to feed, clothe, educate, and, y’know, generally keep alive! No wonder so many of us feel chaotic at best and frankly discouraged at worst!
But here’s the thing: humans were never meant to do things alone – and that means parenting too! We are social creatures meant to live in groups that can help each other. And historically that help came in so many different forms. It looked like education, practical needs meeting, shared labor, and communal protection. We’re not saying our hunter-gatherer ancestors really knew how to live, but we are saying they may have something to teach us about what families with adequate support systems could look like!
In the spirit of supporting each other (which is always our goal at Kamali’i!), we’ve gathered 5 books on parenting that we highly recommend and think could change the way you parent forever! And all of these are available in audio format to make them even more busy-parent-friendly! (Also, pro tip: your local library rents audio books! Head to their website to learn more!)
Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD
When Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff became a mother, she examined the studies behind modern parenting guidance and found the evidence frustratingly limited and often ineffective. Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches, she visited a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula. There she encountered moms and dads who parent differently than we do—and raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children without yelling, nagging, or issuing timeouts. What else, Doucleff wonders, are Western parents missing out on?
In Hunt, Gather, Parent, Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children as Western parents. Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop—it’s built on cooperation instead of control, trust instead of fear, and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones.
Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their methods firsthand, but she also applies them with her own daughter, with striking results. She learns to discipline without yelling. She talks to psychologists, neuroscientists, anthropologists, and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development. Filled with practical takeaways that parents can immediately implement, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink how we relate to our children and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families.
Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields MSAE
A kinder, more compassionate world starts with kind and compassionate kids. In Raising Good Humans, you’ll find powerful and practical strategies to break free from “reactive parenting” habits and raise kind, cooperative, and confident kids.
Whether you’re running late for school, trying to get your child to eat their vegetables, or dealing with an epic meltdown in the checkout line at a grocery store—being a parent is hard work! And, as parents, many of us react in times of stress without thinking—often by yelling. But what if, instead of constantly reacting on autopilot, you could respond thoughtfully in those moments, keep your cool, and get from A to B on time and in one piece?
With this book, you’ll find powerful mindfulness skills for calming your own stress response when difficult emotions arise. You’ll also discover strategies for cultivating respectful communication, effective conflict resolution, and reflective listening. In the process, you’ll learn to examine your own unhelpful patterns and ingrained reactions that reflect the generational habits shaped by your parents, so you can break the cycle and respond to your children more skillfully.
When children experience a parent reacting with kindness and patience, they learn to act with kindness, thereby altering generational patterns for a kinder, more compassionate future. With this essential guide, you’ll see how changing your own “autopilot reactions” can create a lasting positive impact for your kids and generations to come.
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Philippa Perry
In this Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals relationships’ vital do’s and don’ts. This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child’s feelings, or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages. Philippa Perry’s sane, sage, and judgment-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most.
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Over the past several years, Dr. Becky Kennedy—known to her followers as “Dr. Becky”—has sparked a parenting revolution. Millions of parents, tired of following advice that either doesn’t work or simply doesn’t feel good, have embraced Dr. Becky’s empowering and effective approach, a model that prioritizes connecting with our kids over correcting them.
Parents have long been sold a model of childrearing that simply doesn’t work. From reward charts to time-outs, many popular parenting approaches are based on shaping behavior, not raising humans. These techniques don’t build kids’ skills or account for their complex emotional needs. Add to that parents’ complicated relationships with their own upbringings, and it’s easy to see why so many caretakers feel lost, burned out, and worried they’re failing their kids. In Good Inside, Dr. Becky shares her parenting philosophy, complete with actionable strategies, that will help parents move from uncertainty and self-blame to confidence and sturdy leadership.
Offering perspective-shifting parenting principles and troubleshooting for specific scenarios—including sibling rivalry, separation anxiety, tantrums, and more—Good Inside is a comprehensive resource for a generation of parents looking for a new way to raise their kids while still setting them up for a lifetime of self-regulation, confidence, and resilience.
The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandahl
What makes Denmark the happiest country in the world–and how do Danish parents raise happy, confident, successful kids, year after year? This upbeat and practical book presents six essential principles, which spell out P-A-R-E-N-T:
Play is critical for development and well-being.
Authenticity fosters trust and an “inner compass.”
Reframing helps kids cope with setbacks and look on the bright side.
Empathy allows us to act with kindness toward others.
No ultimatums mean no power struggles, lines in the sand, or resentment.
Togetherness is a way to celebrate family time on special occasions every day. The Danes call this hygge–and it’s a fun, cozy way to foster closeness. Preparing meals together, playing favorite games, and sharing other family traditions are all hygge. (Cell phones, bickering, and complaining are not!)
With illuminating examples and simple yet powerful advice, The Danish Way of Parenting will help parents from all walks of life raise the happiest, most well-adjusted kids in the world.
While we hope these books help you become the best parent you can possibly be, we also want to remind you that you are doing a great job! Parenting is hard and doesn’t come with a handbook! This is why we hope these five handbooks encourage you and remind you of what a stellar job you’re doing raising your amazing kiddos!
