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It’s that time of year when most of us get pretty excited. The temperature is dropping, the Holidays are on their way, and you and your kids probably already have all kinds of end-of-the-year fun dancing in your head. Or maybe for you, this time is nothing but stress and anxiety. Never-ending to-do lists, a too-full calendar, complicated family dynamics, financial stress… The holiday season can be a mixed bag of emotions. We deeply want to believe in and participate in the magic of the holidays, but the reality is that what makes this time of year magical can also be pretty stressful.
This is why we wanted to get an early start and offer some helpful tips on making your Holiday season as utterly magical AND stress-free as possible. We hope these tips make this Holiday Season the best one yet for you and your family.
Plan ahead
Nothing is more stressful than doing something last minute, and unfortunately, many of us tend to plan our holidays last minute. Now is a great time to sit down as a family and plan the events and gatherings you all actually want to do. And that’s the key, what kind of seasonal experiences are important to your family? Those should be your top priority.
We suggest planning a family meeting with enough time beforehand for you, your partner, and even your kids to research and look into fun holiday activities. Your family meeting can be over dinner, before bedtime, or over Saturday morning pancakes, but make sure you’ve got the family calendar out, and everything gets scheduled then and there. If you need to purchase tickets to an event, note when you need to buy them. Don’t forget to include your family photos in your plans, and contact your photographer early!
Making a plan now is giving yourself the gift of a much calmer, less hectic holiday season, and getting the whole family involved makes everyone feel heard and helps set the expectations for this season.
Say “no” so you can say “yes.”
As much as you might want to do it all, there is only so much you can do. And that’s okay! As counter-intuitive as it may seem, minimizing the number of events you choose to participate in makes the ones you do join even more special. It’s a way of communicating to your family (including extended family) what your priorities are and that your immediate family isn’t going to spread themselves too thin. What that does is help you stay in the moment at the events you do participate in. By saying “no” to too many things, you’re saying a wholehearted “yes” to the things you will do.
Additionally, preemptively saying yes to a few things is an excellent lesson for your whole family on learning what kind of holiday commitments you want to participate in and how structured you want your holiday schedule. You might find that even when planning ahead, you’ve committed too much or missed out on some things you really wished you could have been a part of. These are great things to note for next year. Think of your holiday plan as running an experiment to find the ingredients for your family’s perfect holiday experience.
But even beyond that, having a plan ahead of time of specific things you’ve said yes to will make it easier to say no to last-minute plans that sneak up on you. Of course, making holiday plans now means you probably don’t have the dates for some of the events you want to be at. Still, having a rough idea of when the office party is or the big family gatherings you want to be at means you have an out when someone drops a last-minute party on you.
Lastly, there will inevitably be things that do come up last minute that you and your family want to participate in. Having a plan ahead of time will actually give you the margin to say yes to some of those spontaneous celebrations, whether big or small. Having the time and calendar space to allow for these surprises is what tends to make them so magical. And remember, what makes the holidays special is your focused presence to the people around you and the events you participate in.
You’re not responsible for other people’s disappointment.
Saying no to certain things, outings, gatherings, and events will disappoint some people. And that fear of disappointment can often lead a lot of us towards people pleasing or saying yes when we want to say no. But we’ve got a secret: No one has ever died of disappointment. We promise you they’ll survive.
The inconvenient truth is that for some of us, we know that disappointing others can lead to big fights, passive aggression, rudeness, and a lot of other bad behavior from well-meaning people we love. But you are not responsible for their emotional reaction to deciding what is best for your family. Your job is to take care of yourself and your family. So if a certain family event will cause you or your partner and your kids a heap of stress, is it worth it? In some cases, it might be! But in most, it’s really not.
The best way to handle those situations is to be genuine. Apologize for not being able to fit “blank” in, for any disappointment it may cause, wish that party or event well, and let it be. Remember that it’s inappropriate for someone to blame their disappointment on you; “no” is a complete sentence.
Make a budget and stick to it.
One of our most significant stressors during the holidays is the financial burden. Holiday financial stress can manifest itself in so many different ways. While we all love to talk about how the monetary aspect of holidays isn’t the important part, there is a ton of cultural pressure around those things. So just like taking control of your calendar will give you a sense of calm and help you prioritize how you spend your time, a holiday budget will help keep the money stress at bay and help you prioritize your spending.
While our culture often views money conversations as tacky or rude, talking openly about money is incredibly important. Especially with your partner and kids! Consider pre-deciding on a budget for each kid and then telling them what that budget is. This will help your kids navigate any potential disappointment and understand realistic expectations around gifts. And if your kid has their heart set on a big ticket item, discuss a compromise where they earn and pay for a percentage. Bringing your kids into the discussion about money and holidays is an excellent way of teaching tough lessons gently and helping them learn to value the core of our holidays and not the stuff.
When it comes to gifts for extended family or events with a price tag, remember that “that’s out of our budget” is a great answer. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you budget your finances, and it’s unreasonable to pressure someone who’s set a budget boundary to cross it. Besides, there are many affordable, free, and creative ways to give gifts. You probably already have all the ingredients in your pantry to bake your favorite homemade goodies and give them as gifts. Often dollar stores will carry super cute and inexpensive treat tins (you might even have some that you’ve been gifted in the past that you can reuse!), and no one hates getting a batch of homemade cookies! Plus, baking as a family gets your kids involved, creates core memories, and makes magic.
But also look for other creative gift ideas. Maybe have your kids draw self-portraits or family pictures and pop those in frames for grandparents. You could even get frames that can be decorated and have your kids paint them to put those professional family photos in. Salt dough ornaments are a precious keepsake of your kid at this age and melt the heart of anyone who receives one. Whatever you do, there should never be pressure to ignore your financial reality during the holidays; if there is, you have every right to say no.
Keep it Simple
The point of any holiday is to celebrate. This should be a time of fun, joy, love, and laughter, and sometimes our desire to fill up our lives, calendars, and wallets with endless holiday pressure is the thing getting in the way of creating those magical memories. Doing a few things, giving from the heart, making space for spontaneity, and relieving yourself of outside expectations give you much more freedom to enjoy making holiday magic for your kids and experience it for yourself.
If we think back to the holidays, we loved as kids, how much of what made that special was a gift or a social calendar that left us exhausted? Those probably aren’t the things you remember. But gathering with your family, spending quality time, and doing simple things that feel like magic are. And the same is going to be true for your kiddos. You don’t have to have the most elaborate holiday season to create wonderful memories for your kids.
Some of our favorite holiday memories are things like prioritizing sharing big and small things we’re grateful for as a family before a big meal, reading a story by candlelight with a mug of cocoa, the chance to play in a winter wonderland, and hanging decorations and talking about where each one came from. These are the memories that stick with you forever and make you long for that holiday magic.
Mom, and Dad, you are doing a great job! So don’t let unrealistic holiday expectations convince you otherwise. With a bit of intention and a pinch of creativity, this holiday season can finally be the one that leaves you with a relaxed spirit, an unstressed bank account, and a heart full of love.
