A Guide to the Foster Conversation

Opening your home to a child or multiple children is a huge deal. Deciding to become a Resource Parent involves so many unknowns. One of the biggest challenges can be knowing how to talk to friends and family about the decision to foster. Whether you already have children or want to tell your extended family and friends what to expect, we don’t always know what to say or how to set boundaries.

Open and honest conversations are the best way to educate others on anything you’re passionate about, but when it comes to some topics – including fostering – many people already have ideas about what that means and looks like. And honestly, most of those ideas come from stereotypes in the media. Regarding Foster Care, those stereotypes aren’t always harmful but can veer in the opposite direction and be somewhat idealistic.

This is why honest conversations with friends and family about your decision to step up as a Resource Parents are essential. Change is always a challenge, even when it’s a good change, and allowing your loved ones to get comfortable with the change, educate themselves, and set realistic expectations sets everyone up for success.

Be Excited

Excitement is infectious! While the journey as a Resource Parent is full of many unknowns, it’s also so exciting! We recommend that you visibly wear that excitement when telling friends and family. When people see our joy and passion for anything, they are far more open to whatever that is. Welcoming a child into your home is exciting! Regardless of that child’s story, adding to your family is something to celebrate. We recommend avoiding sounding serious or overexplaining your decision, especially when telling anyone who may have pushback or a lot of misinformation about the foster system. Let them see your excitement first and get caught up in the joy themselves.

Take Advantage of Family Gatherings

What better time to announce something that will affect the whole family than at a family gathering? While we don’t recommend springing news on anyone, it’s a great idea to send a group or individual text to your family before you get together, letting everyone know you have some exciting news to share. Please find the time in the gathering’s agenda to tell everyone, and most importantly, be prepared to answer the slew of questions they’re sure to have! That part is vital. Your family and friends will probably have many questions for you, and welcoming those (even the ones that might feel a little silly or insensitive) is the best way to help nip misinformation or misconceptions in the bud. And a bonus tip: this is a great place to start setting boundaries. Let family and friends know what questions and information about your decision you’re not going to share publicly and how this decision will affect gatherings in the future.

Share Your Knowledge

Becoming a Resource Parent means training and learning to support foster youth to your best ability. While your extended family and friends won’t be responsible for caring for a foster child, sharing what you’re learning as a Resource Parent is super helpful. This is especially true when those loved ones are involved in a child’s life. Talking through requirements, behavioral training, or any other useful training you receive allows the people you love to support not only foster youth but also you as a Resource Parent. Sharing your knowledge and inviting your family and friends into this experience creates a community you and your child can rely on.

Set Expectations and Boundaries Early

We’ve already hit on this a little, but part of being a Resource Parent is to be a safe and healthy influence in a child’s life, which means adhering to a specific set of boundaries. A big one in foster care is protecting a child’s privacy. Snap happy family members may insist there’s no harm in a few family photos, but that isn’t their call at the end of the day. As early as you can, set the expectations and boundaries required by the foster system and the private boundaries and expectations you’ll have as a family. This included deciding how much of your foster child’s story to share with people who might need to know, physical contact, and even subjects like expecting your child to be treated as a natural child. Setting firm but loving boundaries and expectations isn’t just a healthy practice; it’s the best practice for being your best parent.

Get Family and Friends Involved

A community to cheer you on is vital to our overall well-being. It’s why we watch friends run marathons, perform on stage, receive awards, or compete in contests. Feel free to invite your friends and family to get involved in your foster organization! In fact, what better way to help educate them on all that the foster system does for children and families and show how great the need for donors, volunteers, and resource parents is? It’s also well-known that any service bonds people in new ways and broadens their worldview. If you already have natural children at home, this is a great way to help excite them about welcoming a new family member. There are many ways to serve foster youth, and organizations are always open to new ideas that help love and care for children in need.

Whether you’ve decided to become a Resource Parent or are still on the fence, know how incredibly proud and grateful we are that you’re here! These kids so desperately need loving homes to grow and thrive, and there is nothing more noble than opening your heart and home to a child in need.