Creating Structure Through Unpredictability

Almost exactly three years ago, we published a blog article about providing your child with structure as they (and you) learn and navigate through the foster care system. Foster care at its core can be unpredictable; and after the past two years of intense changes and unpredictability, we thought this blog article needed a little bit of a refresh, and for these tips to resurface in your feed as a friendly reminder. As most resource parents know or will soon come to learn, for children within the foster care system, autonomy, and control over their own free time were likely all they have known. This notion usually becomes challenged when they enter a new home for the first time; they not only are now facing new places and new people but new structures, rules, and expectations. A majority of the time, a lack of structure can be detrimental to growth and lead to less constructive or even damaging activities and behaviors. Whether your child is struggling with a lack of structure due to extended time in foster care, or due to the human experience of COVID-19 disrupting their childhood and usual structure: The following are activities that can aid in building a sense of structure and commitment for your child as they navigate their new living situation.

Homework Time is Helpful Time

Schoolwork can present a challenge for any child, but for children in the foster care system, children navigating the transition from in-person school to online and back again, or better yet a child experiencing both, this can ring especially true. Between court dates, COVID tests, zoom fatigue, stress, and everyday life, homework can be hard to focus on and complete. Unfortunately, sometimes all the chaos of a changing lifestyle can result in falling behind in school. Take homework time as an opportunity to fight this stigma and be the solution to this problem.

Sitting with your child while they do their homework can have a huge impact on your relationship and their future. By filling their time with the importance of work you are providing structure, priority, and guidance; and by spending that time with them, you teach them where your priorities lie. This is also an opportunity to find out where they might be struggling academically and ensure that they are in fact performing at their grade level. After almost two years of school online, students are bound to have fallen behind in one area or another, and while your child may have flourished in online math, they may need some one-on-one help when it comes to reading and writing. Whatever your child’s unique needs may be, maintaining a structured homework time allows a resource family to better align their child’s academic needs with the resources that are available to them.

Encourage Extracurriculars

Turning excess energy into something constructive is a huge tool for providing structure in the day-to-day lives of children. Now that almost all kids of all ages are back in-person for school, the concept of extracurricular activists should be exciting and new to them! By encouraging expression through art, or sports, you are able to provide a community and skill set for them to build upon throughout their lives, as well as encourage human connection and stepping out of comfort zones. While it’s definitely no easy task trying to find out what your child’s interests may be, once that interest is found, structured activities have been proven to increase self-confidence and self-worth in your child.

The Little Things

At the end of the day, the little things add up. A bedtime routine, a set dinner time, or even just the presence of someone that continuously greets or listens to them is the key to providing structure.

Take a walk with your children and show them your favorite parts of nature around them, show them your favorite movies, or encourage them to share some of their favorites with you. Whether it is playing their favorite board game or asking about their favorite meals and memories, showing interest in their world while letting them into yours will help to form a healthy relationship.

After all, the little things, the moments spent together and the memories made grow together to make something bigger. Let the little things create structure and help to create a strong foundation for your new family.

Free time is great and should be allowed daily for purposes of creativity and relaxation. However, there is a sense of consistency that structure brings forward, allowing for a child to feel grounded and connected to their resource family. 

We know that the last few years have been crazy, to say the least. If you struggled and still struggle to keep a consistent structure and bounce back from what nearly became a new normal — you are not alone. From the Kamali’i family to yours, we hope these tips help you grow your relationships and maintain stability.