Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

Hey there, how are you doing? No, really, how are you doing? We get it, this parenting thing is so hard – harder than maybe you thought. 

We’ve noticed that sometimes when we talk about the challenges of being a parent, we can only do it in a joking way because people will call you ungrateful at best. We know you love your kids SO much and are SO grateful to get to love and lead them. But also, raising tiny humans is really, really hard!

But you do it every day. You wake up every day and take care of them and yourself, and that’s a big deal. You are doing one of the hardest things we can do in life, and we see you. We see the way you plan and prep, cook and clean, discipline and dote, help and hold your kids. We see the way you stress and worry.

Can we tell you a secret? The fact that you worry about being a good parent means you’re a good parent. If you didn’t care about your kids, you wouldn’t care! But you do. Not all of us had great experiences with our parents growing up, and for most of us, that’s the driving force behind our desire to give our kids a different experience. Do you realize that already makes you a good parent? You are willing to learn and grow, admit when you’re wrong, try new things, and strive to give your kids the absolute best chance at a beautiful and fulfilling life.

But most importantly, you show up! You take them to soccer and ballet and band and on playdates. You care for them even when your tank is running on empty. You work and provide a home and food and clothes, and more often than not, you do all this without so much as a “thank you.” But you do it. And we couldn’t be more proud of you!

You are doing a great job!

And you shouldn’t have to do it alone. Parenting can feel very lonely, even if you’re not solo-parenting. We hope that you build deep roots with a community of people- parents and non-parents alike- who will support you when you need it most. And if you don’t have that already, we’re here to help you start finding others who can speak wisdom and encouragement into your life. We don’t always see ourselves accurately, and it’s so helpful to have others come alongside you and remind you of what a killer job you’re doing! It really does take a village, and your village should be a safe place full of love, help, and togetherness. 

We also want to remind you that when your tank starts running dry, you have to refuel before you can go further. We know it can be hard, but as the cliche goes: You’ve got to put the oxygen mask on first! Taking time to care for, support, and even pamper yourself doesn’t make you selfish or a bad parent. Take the time you need to find the support you need, whether that’s therapy, moving your body, or getting a massage. You are a better parent when you’re a better person. And you deserve to be someone you love!

To all you partnered parents, remember you’re a team. If the team isn’t clicking, the game is going to be a lot harder to win! Investing in your partnership is one of the best things you can do for your kids and yourself! Regardless of who’s at home more, you’re both in this together, so divvy up the house care and keeping. Both of you take ownership of scheduling and share not just the physical load but the mental load as well. Connect in new and intimate ways (and we don’t just mean saucy grown-up time!). Learn something new together, visit a familiar place that brings back sweet memories, in fact, learn something new about your partner! Your relationship is one of your greatest assets, but it requires intentionality, vulnerability, equity, equality, and a whole lot of grace and patience! It’s also so worth it.

There is a lot of noise out there telling us how much more we could be doing. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the best parent you can possibly be. But at the same time, you can only do so much, and you’re probably doing a whole lot better than you think! Because we see you, and we think you’re amazing. You’re killin’ it! Some days are going to be magical, and you’ll be the fun parent, and your kids will see all you do for them and wrap their arms around you. And other days, you’re just trying to make it to bedtime. You’re the best parent your kids could ask for on both of those days, and we hope you never forget that!

Summer is almost over, and a new school year is nearly here. Holidays are coming, busy and full schedules are right around the corner, and a lot of us are already tired just thinking about it! This is why we wanted to write you this little letter to remind you that you are doing great. You don’t have to laugh off the challenges with us, we know. You don’t have to do this alone; we’re here. You don’t have to empty yourself; we love you.

Thank you for loving your kids so well. Thank you for showing up for them and yourself every day. Thank you for being someone who is doing the hard work of raising future grown-ups who will make this world a better place because of the love you have given them.

You’re doing a great job, Mom and Dad. We hope you never forget that.

With lots of love,

Your Kamali’i Family