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Making sure that your foster child feels loved is one of the most important things to do as a resource parent. Often, it can be an uncomfortable situation, as the threat of sudden change looms over each foster child/resource parent relationship. However, the comfort and happiness of any child living in your home is far more important than potential discomfort or awkwardness that may ensue from pursuing a relationship. Here are some tips on keeping your foster child comfortable while also letting them know that you are there for them.
In other words, be kind and welcoming but not overbearing. Allow older children to initiate any physical contact, don’t ask them to hug you when you first meet or hold your hand. Allow them to acclimate to their new environment and become comfortable in your home before establishing acts of physical affection. The hugging suggestion goes for younger children as well, but depending on their age you may have to hold their hand for safety reasons. Keep in mind that foster children come from all different backgrounds and may have pasts that include trauma. You will want to be as sensitive as possible to these issues to avoid triggering your child or upsetting them.
Your foster child could potentially feel alienated in your home, because of how unfamiliar the space is. Make sure you let them know that they are welcome in the house just the same as everyone else, and include them in any activities, like family movie nights or game nights. Along with this, make sure they have a place that is their own, so they have an escape if they are overwhelmed or upset. Making the space safe for the child is so important, as they will most likely feel anxious when entering a new space. Adding comforting elements to the space you provide for your child will help make their transition a lot easier. Along with basic necessities like a bed and desk, there may be sources of comfort you may have never thought of. A nightlight, for example, may help children who are not ready to sleep in the dark. This is also something that the child could carry with them for as long as they need it if they are moving between homes. By welcoming your child into all the spaces of your home but also making sure they have a safe space, you’re showing them that there is room for them in your home and your life.
Listen to what your child has to tell you. If they choose to tell you their story, or about their past, listen to them and let them know you understand. It may be hard for them to open up to you at first, but with time, listening to them will let them know that they are safe with you and cared for by you. Spend some quality time with them and get to know them on the most basic level. Find out their favorite color or animal and surprise them with a gift, just to let them know you were listening. Feeling understood will help them feel more comfortable and welcome in your home.
At the end of the day, it’s most important not to alienate your foster children from any other children in the house. They should be treated with the same kindness, love, and care as any other child, although they may need a bit more sensitivity. Welcoming your child into your home and making them comfortable and happy is one of the most important yet most difficult things to master as a resource parent, and even seasoned parents may struggle with getting it just right. Try not to feel discouraged, and keep working to make your foster child feel the love.