Self-Care For Foster Parents

If you’ve spent any time on the internet or social media, you have probably been inundated with advice about the importance of self-care. The reality is while some of these bits of advice aren’t the greatest, self-care is vital to our well-being, especially as parents and even more so as Foster Parents.

Parenting is challenging, but fostering comes with unique challenges that often require more of us. As resource parents, we’re opening up our hearts and lives to kids from all sorts of backgrounds with all sorts of baggage. And we, of course, want to offer those children the chance to live in a healthy, happy, hopeful environment. But in order to give them that, we have to take care of ourselves. 

We collected some tips and tricks for self-care to help you breathe, fuel yourself, and ultimately give your best to the kids you love.

Types of Self-Care

One of the less helpful ideas about self-care is that it’s mostly just ‘treating” yourself. But true self-care actually fits into 7 categories:

• emotional

• physical

• psychological

• professional

• social

• environmental

• financial

• spiritual

If you’re like us, that list looks a little intimidating and has us asking, “Why is it so hard to be a person!” But it’s important to remember that you don’t have to care for all of these at once! As you practice your own self-care and learn what works for you, those things will become easier, making room for you to care for yourself in new ways. So, let’s take a deeper look at each category.

Emotional Self-Care

When it comes to emotional self-care, this is probably the area where you have the most “bad” habits. The reason is, when we’re emotionally overwhelmed or under fuelled, that’s where we tend to develop coping mechanisms that aren’t always the healthiest. This is true for every category but is most apparent in this one. We get it, emotional coping mechanisms release a great temporary jolt of dopamine that makes that milkshake, cigarette, shopping spree, or whatever feel so good. But those aren’t setting us up for success in the long term. 

There’s no shame in admitting we’ve used a coping mechanism to get through something, but it’s also incredibly brave and an amazing example to our kids to recognize the mechanism, thank it for its service, and replace that habit with something that is beneficial in the long term. Some alternative habits could be: 

• Keeping a journal- it doesn’t have to be a deep dive into your psyche (though it can be!), but can be something as simple as recording happy memories of your family, jotting down silly poems, or 5 things you’re grateful for. 

• Watch a feel-good, beloved movie- watching your favorite movie as a kid can be incredibly cathartic, and putting on a comedy that makes you laugh when you don’t really feel like laughing is a great way to get you out of a funk.

• Random Act of Kindness- A ton of research shows that the more we give back to others, the less we’re consumed by ourselves, and the more we’re able to see goodness in the world (because we’re part of it!). Pay for someone’s coffee, or volunteer at a food bank and give back a little.

Physical Self-Care

Physical Self-Care is probably the most obvious and the one we probably ignore the most! The reality is your physical health is your best asset. While we can’t predict or control the future, investing in our health now means there is a likelihood you’ll be around longer. It also means you are going to have more stamina and resilience to face the challenges of your life today. Here are a few ways to care for yourself physically:

• Move your body – you don’t need a gym membership or to get swole; simply walking for 30 minutes a day is enough for most people to keep relatively healthy. Make it a family event and go on morning or evening walks, depending on what works for you.

• Eat three meals a day and two snacks- eating every 3-4 hours a day actually increases your metabolic function and can even help you lose weight! A balance of good protein and carbs is essential to human metabolic function, so cheese and fruit totally count as your snack!

Psychological Self-Care

After your physical health, your mental health is probably the next most important way of caring for yourself (in fact, some might even reverse that order!). There are so many things you can do to help improve your mental health, but it’s also important to remember that for some of us, meditation or massages won’t fix the chemistry in our brains. If you need to see a medical professional for your mental health, we encourage you to do so! In addition, here are a few other ideas for caring for our mental health:

• Go to therapy- Talk therapy is an excellent way to process your lived experience, and there are so many resources on the web to help you find affordable, high-quality mental health professionals to help you heal your wounds so they don’t spill out on your kids. 

• Read– that’s right, books are pretty magical, no matter the topic or genre! Reading novels has been shown to help increase empathy and strengthen the tissue between the regions of our brains, allowing those regions to communicate with each other better. Plus, they’re just relaxing!

• Solve a puzzle– Puzzle solving of any kind improves brain function and neuroplasticity, but it also helps our brains balance the chemicals and hormones that can run wild and cause us mental health issues. Get into Suduko or Crosswords, solve a riddle, or build a physical puzzle. 

Professional Self-Care

We all know that work-life balance is both tricky and vital to our overall well-being. But it’s also an area where most of us tend to channel our energy when we’re stressed. There are definitely times when you have to put your nose to the grindstone and get work done, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of yourself or your family. Professional Self-Care can look like:

• Not taking work home

• If you work from home, only doing work/taking phone calls during work hours.

• Setting firm boundaries with your boss and co-workers

• Using your vacation and sick days. Yeah, all of them!

Social Self-Care

Humans are hardwired to need each other. We’re built for community, and in our individualist culture, that can be hard to find, so tending your Social Self-Care can be a challenge. Especially as parents, socializing can often leave us feeling guilty, or we rely on our partner to be our social circle. But we all know that’s a recipe for disaster. Some Social Self-Care ideas are:

•Establishing a weekly or monthly game night with friends

• Making a point to see friends regularly

• Joining a hobby group (dancing, book clubs, knitting groups?)

• Asking for help when you need it

Environmental Self-Care

Most people would be shocked to learn how much their environment really shapes their wellness! In fact if you find yourself getting irrationally angry at little things throughout the day, that can be a huge sigh of sensory overwhelm. While sensory issues are often associated with people on the Autism spectrum, all of us are taking in so much sensory information at all times that it can overwhelm anyone. Creating an environment that puts you at ease is a great way to practice Environmental Self-Care. And don’t forget our homes and places of work aren’t the only environment that contributes to our health. Caring for our planet is an act of environmental self-care too. Some other ideas include:

• Playing gentle classical music on your commute home

• Eliminating clutter from your home

• Wearing noise canceling ear plugs in loud spaces

• Lighting a candle or diffusing oils 

Financial Self-Care

Financial Self-Care is a tricky beast! Finances are hard, no matter what your paycheck looks like. Most of us tend towards either spending or hoarding our hard-earned cash, but doing a regular financial audit is a great way of facing your financial reality and making a game plan for the future ahead. Here are a few ways to practice Financial Self-Care

• Be honest about your debt and work towards paying off the smallest one to start

• Start an emergency fund to have in case of unexpected expenses

• Set up a savings account at a different bank and direct deposit 10% of your pay in it

• Don’t be afraid of an occasional treat! Indulge in a seasonal latte, save for something you want. Money is meant to help us enjoy life, too!

Spiritual Self-Care

While most people assume that Spiritual Self-Care is solely about religious affiliations, it’s also something more. If you are part of a faith community, connecting to it deeply is a great way of keeping yourself grounded and healthy. But Spiritual Self-Care is also about anything that fuels you at a soul level. What are the things that take your breath away and bring you joy at a deep level? This can often be a creative pursuit, an act of giving back, or just taking a moment to recognize Glimmers. Glimmers are the opposites of Triggers. They’re the small little things that remind you how good it is to be alive, and they help us build resilience and even heal past traumas. Other ways to practice Spiritual Self-Care are: 

• Visiting a Museum 

• Taking in a particularly beautiful view

• Reading self-growth books

• Having a regular Prayer or Meditation practice

If this feels somewhat overwhelming, we get it! But by picking one of these areas and focusing on that, we believe it will deeply impact your life in a positive way. And remember that some activities from these lists can actually overlap. For instance, joining a fitness class or group is a great way to make friends and move your body! 

Start small and watch how caring for you becomes a gift to yourself and your family.