The Power of Active Listening

When was the last time you listened to what someone was saying? Not just heard – but truly listened? We hear things every day, and many things go in one ear and out the other, but the power of active listening is unmatched in the field of communication. It is one of the most useful skills you can teach your children, and teaching by example is one of the most effective ways for them to learn.

By definition, active listening is a technique of careful listening and observation of non-verbal cues, with feedback in the form of accurate paraphrasing, used in counseling, training, and solving disputes or conflicts. When you actively listen to the person who is talking to you, your communication improves tenfold. For example, in a disagreement, rather than using the time you are not talking to formulate a rebuttal, use that time to observe your partner’s body language and to take in what they are saying. In your response, rephrase what they have told you as you understand it to be sure you truly understand their feelings, emotions, wants, or needs.

Practicing active listening with your child may not look the same as it would with your partner or another adult, but it can still improve your relationship and communication. Rather than writing off your child’s emotions as a tantrum, let them feel. As a child, emotions can be insanely overwhelming, but validating what your tiny human is feeling can make it easier for them to process, and this will allow them to have positive emotions associated with feeling – rather than being embarrassed or ashamed of them. When your child is angry, try phrases like “I understand that you are feeling angry” or “Tell me why you are feeling this way.” Even if they aren’t able to identify the cause of the negative emotion, your openness and active listening will teach them that feeling is not a bad thing, and also show them by example how to be an active listener.

Active listening is used by professional communicators (i.e. therapists, councilors, team leaders, and more) and implementing it within your own life can improve communication between you and a partner, you and a colleague, and even you and your child. Throw yourself into every conversation with the intent to understand and listen, rather than the intent to argue. Use all of your senses – not just your ears – to observe body language and mannerisms that could give you more insight into the feelings and emotions of your partner. Remember, pay attention, observe, summarize/paraphrase, and reflect. You’ve got this! Get out there and practice that active listening.