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It hardly bears repeating, but the past three years have been tough for everyone. From Pandemics to political unrest to economic instability, these past few years have felt heavy and overwhelming for all of us, including our kids.
While our kiddos haven’t had to bear the responsibility of figuring out how to navigate everything that has happened in the past few years, it doesn’t mean they haven’t been deeply affected by all these events. Compounded with their own individual struggles and stories, especially in the context of Foster Youth, the reality is, we’re starting to see similar symptoms of chronic stress and burnout in children as in adults.
This phenomenon has led to an interesting trend some parents have started to recognize this year; Kids are asking for a Free Summer.
So What’s A Free Summer?
Think of the summers of your childhood; riding bikes in the neighborhood, chasing down an ice cream truck, slip N slides made out of tarps and a hose, being outside til the street lights come on… Well, that’s basically what these kids are asking for. They want a summer vacation free of summer camps, special classes, and rigid schedules. In other words, these kids just want to relax! And we get it!
As adults, we look back nostalgically at the absolute glorious freedom of summer break and reminisce over sweet childhood memories. And yes, our kids don’t live in the same world we did, but, just like our adult lives, we have filled our kids’ lives with “stuff” to keep them “busy,” and all of this has added an element of stress to childhood.
The Pros and the Cons
The reality is chronic stress is on the rise in children. An unintended and often neglected result of how we have shaped our lives around corporate schedules and structures is that our children suffer. Kids don’t have the attention span of adults, and in truth, it’s unreasonable for adults to expect them to. Kids don’t have the same ability as adults to push through difficult seasons. Their growing minds and bodies require rest and play. And a free summer allows them to get just that.
Psychiatrist and parent coach Dr. Jessica Beachkofsky says this, “A free summer can be an amazing way for kids to learn more about themselves, build skills and practice creative problem-solving when they can’t find something they want to do. They can become more confident in themselves and their abilities.”
Allowing our kids to enjoy their limited childhood sets them up for success as adults.
We know that for some of us, reading that probably feels hopeless at worst and discouraging at best because not everyone has the privilege to give their kids the option of a free summer.
Most kids today don’t have a stay-at-home parent. With the outrageous cost of living, especially in Southern California, it’s rare to find a family that can afford to have a parent in the home full-time. And with both parents working, that means they need childcare. For most families, the “free summer” option of yesteryear is simply unrealistic.
Another con of the free summer is that not all children thrive in a no-schedule system. For many neurodivergent or trauma-impacted kids, a fairly strict schedule actually provides them with safety and a predictable arc to their days that allow them to function better. Children with any accommodation requirements tend to have a harder time accepting change, which can lead to all sorts of behavioral problems on top of logistical problems.
So What’s a Parent To Do?
If you, like us, fall into that latter category of parents for whom a free summer really isn’t an option, how do you manage your need for childcare and do what’s best for the holistic health of your child?
The truth is, you can only do so much! If a truly free summer isn’t in the cards for you, that’s okay! Your job as a parent is to do your best for your kids, and that means keeping a roof over their heads and food on the table. Much as you might like to take on our very broken, late-stage capitalism, and corporate society, there’s only so much revolution a person can do in one summer. So first off, breathe deep, and take the pressure off, Mom and Dad!
That being said, there are a few ways to infuse the idea of a free summer into you and your child’s lives this year.
Meet The Neighbors
One of the reasons why you were able to safely roam your neighborhood like a feral animal as a kid is because our parents were much better at creating neighborhood community than we are. Our society has become increasingly isolationist, especially in the wake of the pandemic, and most of us don’t really know the people we live next door to, which is a shame.
In times past, there was a much bigger sense of communal responsibility for the kids around us, which meant parents weren’t alone in watching out for their child’s safety. Community breeds a shared sense of care for the people around us, and it’s high time we brought that back to our and our kids lives.
Maybe a great way to kick off your summer plans is to host a block party. Create an excuse for your neighbors to get to know each other and for you and your kids to make some new friends. Share a meal with the people you live closest to, get to know their stories, and begin to build trusting relationships with them. You are bound to find at least a couple of other parents in the same boat as you who can share ideas, babysitters, and resources as you navigate summer break.
Hire Help
One of our team members who grew up in a home where both parents worked had a great potential solution. She spent a few weeks of summer break doing camps and classes, but for two weeks each summer, her parents hired the college-aged daughter of family friends to act as a nanny essentially.
She said it was the cool older girl that she and her friends looked up to, and they spent those two weeks playing outside, swimming or running through the sprinklers, having picnics at the park, watching movies at home or at the theatre with their “friend,” and looked forward to it every year. A couple of summers, other parents in their circle all went in on paying the older girl to watch all their kids. The young woman was able to make some extra cash on her summer break and got a reputation as the “cool babysitter.”
Because these parents trusted the young woman, they were able to let their kids have that magical summer freedom while working. Plus, babysitters can be far less expensive than sending your kids to another day camp!
In a modern world, there are many ways to ensure whoever is watching your kids is trustworthy and responsible, like tracking location, CPR certification, and even camera-enabled doorbells. Combined with a trusted young adult, all these can put your mind at ease and give your kids a dose of free summer.
Scrap the Itinerary
When we take family vacations, we often try and pack in as much as humanly possible into our short break in hopes of making the most of it. But what if you gave your kids (and yourself) the gift of an itinerary-free summer vacation?
What if instead of seeing all the sights, visiting all the museums, and doing all the activities, you sat by the pool all day—hung out at the beach—played games at camp? Picnic by the lake? Ambled through the forest? We’re not saying to ditch all the sights and wonders of exploring a new place, but what if you made sure to create some free summer margin into your vacation plans?
At the end of the day, family vacations are meant to be about restful bonding. Your kids are more likely to remember the intentional family time than any amazing sight you can see.
Temporary Rescheduling
We know that this has been a bit of a hot topic in the media lately and that not everyone has the option, but if you do, consider rearranging your work schedule for the summer and working from home. Again, we know this isn’t an option for everyone, but for some of us, it is, and what better time to take advantage of it!
Working from home will give you the flexibility to be at home in case of an emergency while still being able to work. Plus, you get opportunities to share in a little of the free summer spirit with your kids. Take your breaks when the ice cream truck comes by and eat a popsicle on the curb, have a backyard picnic over your lunch break, throw an end-of-day dance party, or whatever works for you to help create and share in the magic of free summer. And maybe even take the PTO for a stay-cation and explore your own city, take in a matinee at the theatre, and read that book you’ve had on your nightstand while the kids have an epic water balloon fight.
The key to giving your kids a free summer is really to find what works best for your family. You might not be able to do all of these things we’ve suggested, but we’re sure there’s a way for you and your kids to get to capture the magic of summer vacation!
